Yeah, I Think So

My horoscope from this week's Boise Weekly.



"Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it." So said the eccentric, outspoken, and hard-partying actress Talullah Bankhead (1902-1968). Can you guess her astrological sign? Aquarius, of course. Her greatest adventure came from trying to keep up with all the unpredictable urges that welled up inside her. She found it challenging and fun to be as unique as she could possibly be. I nominate her to be your role model in the next four weeks. Your assignment is to work extra hard at being yourself.

My dad is huge into horoscopes and so growing up I always (and still do) find them intriguing and somewhat fascinating. I do however hold my air of suspicion and maintain the fact that horoscopes are written sometimes so generally or vaguely that they could apply to most anyone. Then there are days when I read my horoscope and think....where are the cameras? This week's horoscope did just that. As I was laying in bed last night I thought about all the things I would like to put in my "journal" here but don't simply because I'm not sure how to go about putting it all out there without being a little terrified. Of course there are other people I need to consider when putting all of me out there for the world to see. So with consent, this week I will show the world (or the two people that read this blog) ME.

Spice of Life

 Today while mindlessly inputting data into the strangest system ever, I decided I needed music to make it a little less zombie like. Brandi Carlile is ALWAYS my number one choice for music to help me get motivated. There are so many things I love about her music but the the #1 reason is, I feel empowered when I hear her sing. It's the way she puts everything she is into her music, that I don't have to know her personally to know how she feels. When we went to Bend OR this last summer for our concert extravaganza Brandi was the last concert we went to, Mindy and I got close enough to touch the stage....I was in HEAVEN:) After that night I felt I could no longer hold in who I was and what I wanted for my life. Brandi has helped me be a better me and show the ones I love that I am happy and that even though happy/love might look different than it has in the past, it so very very real for me.

Music has always been able to reach places in my soul that no other medium can. I can be found some Sundays with a well of pooling waterworks while singing my favorite songs at church. Sometimes I put on the punk-pop I LOVED in high school/college just to get real good and angry when things aren't going the way I think they should. The Head and the Heart make my spirit happy and fills me with peace. Cello music makes my heart yearn for days past when I could have worked at my craft and maybe done something musically with my life, maybe nothing huge but something to keep my hands and mind quick and sharp. Something that so when I hear Mindy play the piano I could think to myself "I could play with her". It makes me sad now to know that I have forgotten how to play even one note, to know that music isn't even something I can sight read. Maybe it's those reasons that people who can make music amaze me and find a special place in my heart.

Sometimes I feel a little nerdy the way music can emotionally hijack me, but I also like to think of it as a blessing. It lets me know I am alive and that I am passionate about life and what it has to offer. It lets me know I am putting myself out there with possibly too much on my sleeve but that it is ALL me. It's one of the things that the most important people in my life love about me and I think scares others, because I feel things so deeply and can acknowledge it.

Ready set go....

It's time. I can feel it. I'm ready to make some big changes!

Let's try this one more time

So I started a blog post last week........ it never got finished...... or published hmmm.

I have been having all these thoughts run through my mind the last week or so but for whatever reason they haven't made it here. I'm not sure what the hold up is or why I think I don't have time to blog. LAME! Sometimes I think; well this two sentence ramble wont do much good on my blog.....BUT really Louise, this is your blog, do what you want! It's more of a spot for me to ramble and spout off crazy things in my head more than anywhere else.

My hope for this blog is that it can be where I am more me than most anywhere else. I don't want to be blog famous, I just need a place to write it all out sometimes. I hope that I can find others who live a life like me and that I can connect to. I need a little more of that right now. Mindy is great about listening and talking things through with me but sometimes I would love to talk to some one who doesn't know me as well.

I hope that at some point it doesn't scare me to say who I really am or who is important to me. I want to scream it from the rooftops sometimes and other times I know it may do more harm than good. I want to be out in the open and tell people who say I live my life the wrong way "well that's nice for you, you can leave me alone now" but I'm not sure who that would be and that scares me.

The New Year

So many resolutions for this next year.

• Be more myself even if it scares the shit out of me.

• Blog more, even if it's just me and Mindy looking back. I would rather have an online journal than try and write it all on paper.

•  Spend more time making this little girl smile cuz she makes my life complete..... even if sometimes that means answering questions she already knows the answers to (or thinks she knows the answers to).

• Dream bigger!!!

• Be more productive; sometimes I get stuck in a rut and I can't remember how to push my start button again. I will try very hard to put down the bon bon's and turn off the TV so that I can make dinner more often.

• Eat better and exercise more. I've already been trying to cut down on my portion sizes and eat more fruits and veggies. Exercise is one I HATE but Mindy got me Zumba for the Wii and I love Zumba so maybe that's the answer!?

• Make new friends in different circles than I am used to because I need more people in my life who live like I do. 

The most important one of all

•   Continue to wake up each morning knowing that I am extremely blessed and loved by the ones I choose to spend the rest of my days with.

I have many many more things that I could add to this list like "make more recipes off Pinterest", or  "finish all the craft projects I have started over the years".......BUT let's be realistic, those may never happen.



I look forward to making some things happen in 2013 but the most important thing to me this year is just remember who I am and what I stand for.